Lady of the house is no more

Four months just flew by but I still crave for your company, nano. I do not want to share this grief with people because I want them to talk about YOU and US. I know that  Almighty always have the best plans for us and no one can love you more than HIM but I never encountered anything like this before. I wanted you to stay for a little while, I wanted to execute all the plans with you that we made for the upcoming wedding. Daddy was sitting there alone, without you and so were mama, without you. If only I could gather half as much courage as she has but no in your own words “I take after you in facial features and we share the same habits of being naram garam and Jhalay”. You were the only immediate friend I had, your favorite singer still sings and that little kid still yells, the one you always wanted to meet. He came to meet you at last but you left earlier. I keep stacking books on the shelves and the book you were reading is still unfinished. We talk about you but hide our grieves. We miss you and cherish the memories as a memoir you have left for us all here. I still know, how much you disliked when someone would upload your pictures on facebook so not doing that. I do not have anyone who would discuss a day-old newspaper with me and all the snippets you left me from the magazines ae still laying there. I miss doing your chores and the last goodbye I could not respond to. This world is not the same without you and when someone dies it makes me think of you. It makes me think of my grieve. So I am expressing it here in the only way I think I am good at. I do not want to stop thinking about you even if it causes me anxiety or depression.

Till we meet again.


Sorry I had to unfollow you

Today I would like to confess that I unfollowed you all, dear fashion bloggers. There was a time I liked your work, preached it and practiced it on myself but now I have had enough. My pocket cannot afford your “affordable/ budget friendly” wardrobe and cosmetics. From your “glowy natural makeup look” to your “everyday simple glam”, I have started hating my acne cladded bare face and my heart wants to raid your fate. You have a personal photographer and a caption about life on your Instagram. Due to your set standards, selfies taken from my “low budget” phone cannot even compete to your DSLR clicked photos. You are enjoying the hustle of life whereas I can barely make it to the other day so I am sorry, I cannot put countless products on my face like you religiously do every day.

I am sorry that I have a brain and I check twice now before falling into the trap of fake news, agendas and your utterly brainless stories, uploads or reuploads. Please take credits that I now hate my fat body while you enjoy your makeup laden face in a gym.  I am well aware that Gender equality is a big issue but I cannot hate men baselessly because you said so. Spare me your standards, your lifestyle and above all your decisions about my life and all of your other blind followers.

From an ex-follower and a realist.

Holding on to Dear Life

Dear Life,

Here I am writing to you again in the same old agony. You cannot be the same for me after all these years have passed and my funny theories about you are too ridiculous to be true! At times I want to get rid of you while the other moment I think of doing so much in my capacity and ask the Lord for some more breaths. Some more breaths before I can excel at something shut the few mouths and get my initials carved out somewhere. Multiple emotions rush through me and my blood gushing into my veins trigger the confused emotions and responses. The tongue drips venom when it actually wants to be sweet and the cardinal directions get messed up to the point where every right look left and every alley looks the same. The same dark alley!

I know I am not alone in this but to me, your definition will always remain subjective to me. No matter how many volumes I read and how much your endless sufferings and countable joys coast me. My gaze will remain ambivalent towards you. Either you will surprise me some day or I will learn to hold on to you with all your momentous and unstoppable grace.

A tired mind…

Emotions are to blame

track down them hormones..

I strongly disagree with the title because one thing that 2018 has taught me is to shut my mouth at repeated occasions. By minding my silence does not mean that I can let people walk over me or treat me like garbage. What I intend to say here is that people hurt us with their tongues and this little weapon can initiate never-ending verbal wars. In this situation, a person is left with two options, he can either frown or shake his head with a smile. We all love ourselves deep down inside our heart even if we do not want to accept this reality. “The opinion of people should not affect you” will be an overstatement here but choose to ignore their opinion about you is where the strength lies. At the end of the day, you only want to think about you and how you want to look at life. Admiration and acceptance of yourself should come from within. We are not the pampered infants anymore and “it is not always rainbows and butterflies”. Maybe we can break the vicious cycle of hatred if we choose to ignore their comments about us and greet someone else with open arms and accept the choices they have made about their respective selves. As my friend once said, “if you take a bold step and break away with the majority, make sure to face the criticism” and this is the best advice I could ever get. Let us work on our emotional sides and not let a random comment on our short hair, new dress and (if we think about it in a broader spectrum) our choices.

p.s a little intelligent reply will do if people continue working on their malicious plans 🙂


image source: google

Who are you Friends with?

Being a girl in a brown society is not a piece of cake. And you would be surprised if I say that our real enemies are our own “comrades”, our “best girls” and our “my girls”. Do not fall prey to their social media tags and their sweet lubricated tongues.

Talking from personal experience, it took me some good great years to differentiate between “selfie friends”, “seasonal friends” and “real friends”. Following is a reality-based checklist to get to know who is real and who pretends to be real.

  1. The Sweet Talk:

Let us be honest, we all love it right? Like how we get praised everywhere and how we always become the life of every party and stay at the top of cloud nine with all the appreciations and admirations. BUT, beware, entitlement is a poison, venomous than a snake bite. All the tongues that praise you can also turn back against you in no time.




2. The Narcissist Alert:

having a friend who bosses you around is a complete No No. You want a friend with whom you can share stuff and not another Hitler to rule you right? Avoid the one who always wants to be proved right and remains forever in the bubble of self-achievement.


The Hijackers:

When your friend or your circle does not approve of your pretty basic and subjective choices such as clothing, eating or lifestyle habits and they try to change you for their own good social standing. Run from them and never look back.


Also, when they replace your opinion with their and do this all the time you have lost your ability to think. You need to run twice faster now.


4. The Watchdogs:

When they decide what are you going to do and how are you going to do things in your life. When you always find yourself answerable to them for everything that you do, they are just not the ones to have a good time with.


5. The Regina George kind:

Mean Girls exist in reality too! You surely do not need a friend, who enjoys looking good and confident at the expense of putting you down. Who always gets to hear compliments and you become the victim of comparisons.


And you get laughed at the “nerdy jokes” because you are socially awkward and lacking in the fashion sense. And they get embarrassed around you because you do not act sophisticated around them.


kick them out of your life and do not let them define you.


6 The emotional attack:

Even when you finally try to embrace yourself they throw their final emotional card and reminds you of their loyalty towards you. Ughh, just ignore and move on girl.


7 The wannabe psychics:

Let us get real again and a little more considerate over here. We all get depressed sometime and anxiety knocks the hell out of everyone. But if a person self-imposes depression on him or her just to attract attention or to look cool, leave them.


Or they will suck positivity out of you and they will turn you into a grim person.


Now how “Real Friends” look like

1 The Listening Ears:

They look after you and always ask you how you feel without passing any ted talk or lecture. They put themselves in your shoes and bring the best out of you. Not to mention, they prove to be good listeners because at the end of the day we all just want to be listened to





2. Empowering:

They try to empower others by siding with the right and speaking for the good and just cause. They indicate the evils inside and deliver the solutions.




they give you the courage to chase your dreams and believe in you.




this brings me to finally say that friends are either a blessing or a test. Choose wisely and live your life while you still have time.

Note: all the images are taken from Google and I do not claim them to be mine. They are just used for the purpose of this article.

Why say no to the idea of staying “FULL”

In the postmodern era, when Man can conquer anything and nothing seems impossible, he still struggles with his own self, sadly.

As machine dependent, our lives can get in these times, although they reduce our physical fatigue but what about the heavy head and dull mind? Like we have everything and we still feel a void inside ourselves.

Because we have been stuffing our closets with things just for the sake of them. Our refrigerators are brimming and our stomachs feel bloated. And for this, we are to blame somewhere. The idea of fulfillment and the feeling of being full is what that is consuming our happiness and contentment. Like we do not know when to stop. We want to get everything done up to its fullest and in the meanwhile, we sacrifice our mind, spirit, and inner self. The idea of being happy and satisfied with LESS has never ever knocked our minds. Like we are full of our egos, our pleasures, our closets, our choices, our dreams and not but the least, our love for Us, We and I.

Now how “LESS IS MORE”?

Oh and I forgot to mention, our eyes are full too! of all the sights and visuals that we come across social media every day. That branded bag, that waist size, that couple in love and those luxuries of vacationing on an island. Everything comes with a price, nothing is free in this world. Can you tell that despite having all the luxuries, all those people are happy or not? Not to confuse their happiness with material possession happiness.

Now, how about a bag that you just purchased after a lot of saving and hard work. That is not still a branded bag but still, you carry it with pride and after some time you sell the bag in a secondhand shop and someone else buys it. How happy that person will be because he can afford it now. And you do not need fancy diet plans to shed pounds or an expensive gym membership if you can only develop the habit of “Actually eating” rather than “eating when bored”. We can also save a lot of food this way and there will be no leftovers. How about going to a nearby park with a book or a sketchbook in your hand, the cool breeze making you happy and the sight of children playing and people chatting. And then not clicking pictures and having no anxiety of uploading them on Instagram asap. The whole synopsis of this paragraph is ” give your eyes a rest and you do not need to have everything you see flashing on social media and feeling that you have achieved nothing”. And to give,  when your plate is extra stuffed.

Marketing, advertisements and social media’s excessive use are the few culprits that make you feel worthless, poor and unaccomplished in your life. Only if we act sensibly and not emotively, we can save ourselves hundreds of money and all the marketing agendas will also learn how to upgrade their skills logically, instead of thriving on flashy objects’ ornamentation and hired happy people that they show in their advertisements. I know I am writing this blog post with the help of my laptop and I have no plans of upgrading it as long as it is satisfying my work’s demands. I am happy with an older version of Android and I do not want to buy the latest phone model because of the front camera quality because I have learned over the years that happiness is something that resides inside and not everyone should know everything about me. And I feel extra comfortable in my old clothes and old shoes because at the moment I do not feel a need for buying more.

Life is actually simple and we overcomplicate it with our conquest of “MORE” and then we find this thing everywhere till we get everything but we still do not get contentment.

Because being content is to be happy and satisfied in having less


(image source: google)

Two things to learn in your 20s

Take notes people!

  1. Space and Control (obviously, the non-scientific one)

How often do we hear ourselves complaining about something or someone to our friends and buddies? The world just feels so heavy and we perceive ourselves as the greatest victim in life’s disposal.

Now imagine a person or your friend whining all the time about how boys mistreat her and how depressed she is because she could not get a call from the jobs that she applied for. How her weight loss journey is becoming tiresome for her and how desperately she wants to take revenge on her ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. How long are you going to listen? Farmost, how long are you going to listen without losing your patience?

When we have friends breakup or even best friend breakups, it might be because of our relentless and never-ending conditional demands of lending us their ear, their shoulder to cry on and being there for us all the time when we are practically doing nothing for our own selves. We forget or purposely forget that they have a life of their own, chores to do and relationships to maintain. And if somebody needs to be a pilot of their own airplane i.e. their life, its US. Seeking help or taking advice is nice and healthy but sadly, you cannot hand someone over the controls or else your flight is going to explode and crash. Non metaphorically, it can get you emotionally HURT. If they leave you, you owe them an apology and if they decide to close the door, you are not supposed to bang it. Step out from the threshold, compose yourself, run a research study on your flaws and work on your remaining relations. Work on the definitions GIRL. Work them all out. Friendship or Love cannot be done on conditions and terms. As much as they need to listen to you, you are responsible for your growth too.


                            (source: Pinterest)

       2. Perseverance and Contentment:

The boy that left you, the job that you could not get, the items or accessories that you watched and admired in somebody’s hands, surely did not belong to you. The boy that you just broke up with because you could not imagine a future with him or the job that you could not get because of inexperience, did not defame you or define you as a person. You were not a sadist or a failure for that. It was because of taking control of your life! You would have faked your relationship if you were a flirt. Instead, you ejaculated on your thoughts and took the decision, you thought best for you. Likewise, for the job prospects. As a result, you lose your best friend because she thought the guy was perfect for you. And the job could get you an Instagram outfit look.


(source: Pinterest)


There is a life outside of the Instagram game and the perfect relationship tag. Our choices or our decisions are ours to take. So is their outcomes and unfortunate results. Life does not come with an instruction manual and provides us only with what we want from it and strive for. Now, look at it from this perspective. What if you marry that guy and it fails to be your happily ever after? What if you still have your best friend and you cannot bring yourself to trust her choices again? What if you get the job you applied for and some other great opportunity comes in your way with thrice the salary and grants. You do not want to miss out on this opportunity but you cannot get it because of your job contract and commitments?

This brings me to say that time matters, your patience, and your perseverance gets tested to maximum levels until you get somewhere in your life. No one can escape life’s test, even if one is a billionaire or miss universe for that matter. These tests vary, one can get tested mentally, physically, spiritually or even financially. Our yesterday’s wishes are in our hands today and it will go on. You cannot take revenge on life because you are not the only one get tested by it.

Own you, respect their choices and be content.



Dear 90’s kid, you made it!!

Another day, same old hustle!! Well, adulthood comes in a package. But I will reserve my ramblings about my newly reached mid-twenties for some other time.

Yesterday, I was reminiscing about the good old 90’s with my friend and we both felt overjoyed while remembering that golden era.

Sometimes, it seems so much and nothing at the same time. Like we wrote the conclusion of one century and started from a fresh crisp page, in form of a new century. But in such ecstatic feeling, our souls and spirits got bifurcated. We missed our childhood and lamented at the loss of our innocent yet meaningful memories, at the same time, we looked at our crushed spirits in the perturbated life given by the 21st century. th

Using spoons to fix the cassettes, we barged in the world wide web. From recording our favorite soundtracks on the recorders, we made our fingers play this time with a single click.

How often do we stop and look back? If we look back, do we ponder on what we have gained so far and where our tidings have lead us? How our yesterday’s peals of laughter are so much gleeful than our present miseries. Our memories are our investments. We have invested so much in the memory bank of ours. This time, take a moment to look back and check your memory bank. And in that moment, embrace yourself and with a smile, pat yourself on the back on making it this far, in the middle of all the struggles and all the ease, among all the past inquilities and all the virtues. Last but not the least, I will conclude this tinnie minnie excursion roller coaster ride of our 90’s memories, with Dr, Seuss’s quote.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

Some Gratitude

Yes, I have given up, on the very first day, on the challenge that I set for myself yesterday.  And I am not guilty at all. This time, my mind has surrendered itself to reality and self-realization.

Today I realized my potential and the image that I saw yesterday, proved its worth today, i.e. “Happiness is a choice”.

Today I have reasons to silence down the yesterday’s resolutions. Answers to my unachieved resolutions  are:

  1. Read at least fifty pages of the damn book, I am hating these days.

Ans: There are 35 other books on my tbr list, I am not stuck forever with that only book. I might try reading some new books that may strike me as a fresh breeze and make me tolerate that one book, later on. The ultimate goal is to read books anyway

2. Read the newspapers, that is crumbling at the side table.

Ans: I have started reading it already but I cannot read all of them in a single day. I have got a slow reading pace but I swallow the information and never rush it.

3. Give a break to my ears and starve the bacterias that hands-free builds up in my ears.

Ans. Yes, guilty as charged here. I need to spend more time being outdoors and with my family instead.

4. By communicating more with the new people, life has given me lately.

Ans. On it !!!

5. To brainstorm over the story, that I am holding up in my mind.

Ans: I have a blog, I do poetry, I sketch and I write short snippets. What if Wordsworth were to switch his writing genre with Wilde, would he excel in it? Chances . are quite low in such a scenario because both excelled in their respective genres. So, what I need to realize is that I have my own writing taste and I can only make progress in it. I may not publish a storybook but I can publish an anthology of poems.

6. To work on the literary articles that I really need to get published.

Ans. Two of my papers are submitted already. Though, they fall into the domain of linguistics but still its an achievement.

This brings me to finally say that my excuse for everything that comes my way or every little thing that I have achieved so far or I am still achieving is the lack of Gratitude. Yes, you heard me right. I am being thankless for everything, it is the small things that make a complete picture.

What others are doing, it is their timing and struggle. My timing and my struggle will define what I choose to become. My body needs rest, my mind is in dire need of a new perspective and my soul needs some self-love and self-nourishment.

And I need to go a little slow on myself. And do not need to make small tasks like reading paper or chatting with friends, a gruesome task.


What’s my excuse: Day 0

So, I have decided to take a break from making excuses, that I start brewing from the very onset of a new dawn, every day. I am done playing the victim and explaining myself to others, just so tired of using worn-out phrases and done dragging my worn out self everywhere. Done pricking my wounds that just do not stop bleeding, from the past memories of unrequited love.

I just cannot sit anymore and type this blog post while my family pays the internet bill along with the series of bills.

These are my daily resolutions and they end up either rolling off my cheek or result in another nocturnal episode. I ornament them every day with some build up and well brought up excuses of mine:

  1. I have time up my sleeve for this.
  2. I will fail miserably.
  3. I will die in a gutter because I am already a failure.
  4. I will put other people in trouble.
  5. What if I bumped into frenemies or my ex!! , they will laugh seeing me struggling.

My resolution for tomorrow is:

  1. Read at least fifty pages of the damn book, I am hating these days.
  2. Read the newspapers, that are crumbling at the side table.
  3. Give a break to my ears and starve the bacterias that hands-free builds up in my ears.
  4. By communicating more with the new people, life has given me lately.
  5. To brainstorm over the story, that I am holding up in my mind.
  6. To work on the literary articles that I really need to get published.

I will update this thread every day, for the next TEN days. (See I already negotiated with my mind) And I will see, who wins, my excuses or me ? Now