Why say no to the idea of staying “FULL”

In the postmodern era, when Man can conquer anything and nothing seems impossible, he still struggles with his own self, sadly.

As machine dependent, our lives can get in these times, although they reduce our physical fatigue but what about the heavy head and dull mind? Like we have everything and we still feel a void inside ourselves.

Because we have been stuffing our closets with things just for the sake of them. Our refrigerators are brimming and our stomachs feel bloated. And for this, we are to blame somewhere. The idea of fulfillment and the feeling of being full is what that is consuming our happiness and contentment. Like we do not know when to stop. We want to get everything done up to its fullest and in the meanwhile, we sacrifice our mind, spirit, and inner self. The idea of being happy and satisfied with LESS has never ever knocked our minds. Like we are full of our egos, our pleasures, our closets, our choices, our dreams and not but the least, our love for Us, We and I.

Now how “LESS IS MORE”?

Oh and I forgot to mention, our eyes are full too! of all the sights and visuals that we come across social media every day. That branded bag, that waist size, that couple in love and those luxuries of vacationing on an island. Everything comes with a price, nothing is free in this world. Can you tell that despite having all the luxuries, all those people are happy or not? Not to confuse their happiness with material possession happiness.

Now, how about a bag that you just purchased after a lot of saving and hard work. That is not still a branded bag but still, you carry it with pride and after some time you sell the bag in a secondhand shop and someone else buys it. How happy that person will be because he can afford it now. And you do not need fancy diet plans to shed pounds or an expensive gym membership if you can only develop the habit of “Actually eating” rather than “eating when bored”. We can also save a lot of food this way and there will be no leftovers. How about going to a nearby park with a book or a sketchbook in your hand, the cool breeze making you happy and the sight of children playing and people chatting. And then not clicking pictures and having no anxiety of uploading them on Instagram asap. The whole synopsis of this paragraph is ” give your eyes a rest and you do not need to have everything you see flashing on social media and feeling that you have achieved nothing”. And to give,  when your plate is extra stuffed.

Marketing, advertisements and social media’s excessive use are the few culprits that make you feel worthless, poor and unaccomplished in your life. Only if we act sensibly and not emotively, we can save ourselves hundreds of money and all the marketing agendas will also learn how to upgrade their skills logically, instead of thriving on flashy objects’ ornamentation and hired happy people that they show in their advertisements. I know I am writing this blog post with the help of my laptop and I have no plans of upgrading it as long as it is satisfying my work’s demands. I am happy with an older version of Android and I do not want to buy the latest phone model because of the front camera quality because I have learned over the years that happiness is something that resides inside and not everyone should know everything about me. And I feel extra comfortable in my old clothes and old shoes because at the moment I do not feel a need for buying more.

Life is actually simple and we overcomplicate it with our conquest of “MORE” and then we find this thing everywhere till we get everything but we still do not get contentment.

Because being content is to be happy and satisfied in having less

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(image source: google)
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Two things to learn in your 20s

Take notes people!

  1. Space and Control (obviously, the non-scientific one)

How often do we hear ourselves complaining about something or someone to our friends and buddies? The world just feels so heavy and we perceive ourselves as the greatest victim in life’s disposal.

Now imagine a person or your friend whining all the time about how boys mistreat her and how depressed she is because she could not get a call from the jobs that she applied for. How her weight loss journey is becoming tiresome for her and how desperately she wants to take revenge on her ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. How long are you going to listen? Farmost, how long are you going to listen without losing your patience?

When we have friends breakup or even best friend breakups, it might be because of our relentless and never-ending conditional demands of lending us their ear, their shoulder to cry on and being there for us all the time when we are practically doing nothing for our own selves. We forget or purposely forget that they have a life of their own, chores to do and relationships to maintain. And if somebody needs to be a pilot of their own airplane i.e. their life, its US. Seeking help or taking advice is nice and healthy but sadly, you cannot hand someone over the controls or else your flight is going to explode and crash. Non metaphorically, it can get you emotionally HURT. If they leave you, you owe them an apology and if they decide to close the door, you are not supposed to bang it. Step out from the threshold, compose yourself, run a research study on your flaws and work on your remaining relations. Work on the definitions GIRL. Work them all out. Friendship or Love cannot be done on conditions and terms. As much as they need to listen to you, you are responsible for your growth too.

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                            (source: Pinterest)

       2. Perseverance and Contentment:

The boy that left you, the job that you could not get, the items or accessories that you watched and admired in somebody’s hands, surely did not belong to you. The boy that you just broke up with because you could not imagine a future with him or the job that you could not get because of inexperience, did not defame you or define you as a person. You were not a sadist or a failure for that. It was because of taking control of your life! You would have faked your relationship if you were a flirt. Instead, you ejaculated on your thoughts and took the decision, you thought best for you. Likewise, for the job prospects. As a result, you lose your best friend because she thought the guy was perfect for you. And the job could get you an Instagram outfit look.

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(source: Pinterest)

 

There is a life outside of the Instagram game and the perfect relationship tag. Our choices or our decisions are ours to take. So is their outcomes and unfortunate results. Life does not come with an instruction manual and provides us only with what we want from it and strive for. Now, look at it from this perspective. What if you marry that guy and it fails to be your happily ever after? What if you still have your best friend and you cannot bring yourself to trust her choices again? What if you get the job you applied for and some other great opportunity comes in your way with thrice the salary and grants. You do not want to miss out on this opportunity but you cannot get it because of your job contract and commitments?

This brings me to say that time matters, your patience, and your perseverance gets tested to maximum levels until you get somewhere in your life. No one can escape life’s test, even if one is a billionaire or miss universe for that matter. These tests vary, one can get tested mentally, physically, spiritually or even financially. Our yesterday’s wishes are in our hands today and it will go on. You cannot take revenge on life because you are not the only one get tested by it.

Own you, respect their choices and be content.

 

 

Dear 90’s kid, you made it!!

Another day, same old hustle!! Well, adulthood comes in a package. But I will reserve my ramblings about my newly reached mid-twenties for some other time.

Yesterday, I was reminiscing about the good old 90’s with my friend and we both felt overjoyed while remembering that golden era.

Sometimes, it seems so much and nothing at the same time. Like we wrote the conclusion of one century and started from a fresh crisp page, in form of a new century. But in such ecstatic feeling, our souls and spirits got bifurcated. We missed our childhood and lamented at the loss of our innocent yet meaningful memories, at the same time, we looked at our crushed spirits in the perturbated life given by the 21st century. th

Using spoons to fix the cassettes, we barged in the world wide web. From recording our favorite soundtracks on the recorders, we made our fingers play this time with a single click.

How often do we stop and look back? If we look back, do we ponder on what we have gained so far and where our tidings have lead us? How our yesterday’s peals of laughter are so much gleeful than our present miseries. Our memories are our investments. We have invested so much in the memory bank of ours. This time, take a moment to look back and check your memory bank. And in that moment, embrace yourself and with a smile, pat yourself on the back on making it this far, in the middle of all the struggles and all the ease, among all the past inquilities and all the virtues. Last but not the least, I will conclude this tinnie minnie excursion roller coaster ride of our 90’s memories, with Dr, Seuss’s quote.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

Some Gratitude

Yes, I have given up, on the very first day, on the challenge that I set for myself yesterday.  And I am not guilty at all. This time, my mind has surrendered itself to reality and self-realization.

Today I realized my potential and the image that I saw yesterday, proved its worth today, i.e. “Happiness is a choice”.

Today I have reasons to silence down the yesterday’s resolutions. Answers to my unachieved resolutions  are:

  1. Read at least fifty pages of the damn book, I am hating these days.

Ans: There are 35 other books on my tbr list, I am not stuck forever with that only book. I might try reading some new books that may strike me as a fresh breeze and make me tolerate that one book, later on. The ultimate goal is to read books anyway

2. Read the newspapers, that is crumbling at the side table.

Ans: I have started reading it already but I cannot read all of them in a single day. I have got a slow reading pace but I swallow the information and never rush it.

3. Give a break to my ears and starve the bacterias that hands-free builds up in my ears.

Ans. Yes, guilty as charged here. I need to spend more time being outdoors and with my family instead.

4. By communicating more with the new people, life has given me lately.

Ans. On it !!!

5. To brainstorm over the story, that I am holding up in my mind.

Ans: I have a blog, I do poetry, I sketch and I write short snippets. What if Wordsworth were to switch his writing genre with Wilde, would he excel in it? Chances . are quite low in such a scenario because both excelled in their respective genres. So, what I need to realize is that I have my own writing taste and I can only make progress in it. I may not publish a storybook but I can publish an anthology of poems.

6. To work on the literary articles that I really need to get published.

Ans. Two of my papers are submitted already. Though, they fall into the domain of linguistics but still its an achievement.

This brings me to finally say that my excuse for everything that comes my way or every little thing that I have achieved so far or I am still achieving is the lack of Gratitude. Yes, you heard me right. I am being thankless for everything, it is the small things that make a complete picture.

What others are doing, it is their timing and struggle. My timing and my struggle will define what I choose to become. My body needs rest, my mind is in dire need of a new perspective and my soul needs some self-love and self-nourishment.

And I need to go a little slow on myself. And do not need to make small tasks like reading paper or chatting with friends, a gruesome task.

 

What’s my excuse: Day 0

So, I have decided to take a break from making excuses, that I start brewing from the very onset of a new dawn, every day. I am done playing the victim and explaining myself to others, just so tired of using worn-out phrases and done dragging my worn out self everywhere. Done pricking my wounds that just do not stop bleeding, from the past memories of unrequited love.

I just cannot sit anymore and type this blog post while my family pays the internet bill along with the series of bills.

These are my daily resolutions and they end up either rolling off my cheek or result in another nocturnal episode. I ornament them every day with some build up and well brought up excuses of mine:

  1. I have time up my sleeve for this.
  2. I will fail miserably.
  3. I will die in a gutter because I am already a failure.
  4. I will put other people in trouble.
  5. What if I bumped into frenemies or my ex!! , they will laugh seeing me struggling.

My resolution for tomorrow is:

  1. Read at least fifty pages of the damn book, I am hating these days.
  2. Read the newspapers, that are crumbling at the side table.
  3. Give a break to my ears and starve the bacterias that hands-free builds up in my ears.
  4. By communicating more with the new people, life has given me lately.
  5. To brainstorm over the story, that I am holding up in my mind.
  6. To work on the literary articles that I really need to get published.

I will update this thread every day, for the next TEN days. (See I already negotiated with my mind) And I will see, who wins, my excuses or me ? Now

 

24 things I have learned in 24 years.

The title seems so heavy but let’s do this because THIS, needs to be done before I turn 40 or 50 and enlisting such huge details or pointers will be so tiring at that age, haha.

So I just turned 25 last day (July 10th) and while blowing the candles and cutting the cake amidst cheers and prayers, I decided to meditate and reflect over what I actually learned in the span of 24 years. So here it goes

  1. Be mindful of whom you trust with your secrets, especially in tender moments.
  2. Do not get carried away by someone’s tears or their opinions about the other person, because you can also be discussed as a topic too. Always ensure to DOUBLE CHECK.
  3. Trust your timings, God never gives prior the limit and prior the time.
  4. You get what you aim for, you get good tidings and bad ones too. INTENTION MATTERS!
  5. Never base your opinions about someone or something on how others view it.
  6. Raise your opinions when you see something wrong, even if you feel like crying in the wilderness.
  7. Be Patient and try not to RUSH the things.
  8. Sometimes, feeling low is okay but it should fuel up the positivity hidden in you.
  9. Always have a hobby to turn up to for relaxation.
  10. Get your ears accustomed to hearing a few unpleasant words, as they MAKE you.
  11. Trust your gut feeling then use your mind.
  12. Declutter things, even people, trust me it helps A LOT.
  13. Make family a priority. They know you from your diaper days.
  14. Prioritise wisely, it will take you to new horizons.
  15. Self-respect is like breathing, take deep breaths of self-respect.
  16. Be a Pilot of your own life, take control of it. Lest others will make an amusement park out of it.
  17. Try to dig more into details, jewels are hidden inside mines. Likewise, try to read long details sometimes, it helps. (like this not so crisp blog post :D)
  18. Never say you HATE yourself if you did, you would have never felt any hurt. Love, YOU. 
  19. You get what you aim for, AIM WISE, AIM BIG and then do not rest till you get there.
  20. Always keep a check on your loved ones, make time for them.
  21. Do not get ridden by revenge, it will drive you mad.
  22. Leave all judgments to God and chill out. Actions can be unintentional too.
  23. When Love costs you, your peace and integrity, let go of it.
  24. Be strong, not like a rock but like a HUMAN. Do not get mistaken as a damsel in distress.

BONUS TIP

Never be afraid of experimenting, if all goes accordingly, you’ll achieve. If not, you will learn!

That’s all Folks. We learn and we grow, make sure you get your seeds right 🙂

 

Declutter this Circle of yours!!

it’s either black or white, no Gray!!! Wish life and its crazy workings were this simple.

I need not stress that Friends are a vital part of our lives, we grow up with them but how often we reflect that do they make us grow? In times like ours, the social media frenzy and the fast-paced world, where we forget everything easily instead of expanding our memories. Where we want outputs in less than seconds and get dazzled by everything that comes our way. But let us use it as a foregrounding and ponder on some bitter realities.

It’s time to declutter the unnecessary stuff and only keep the handful things. Unfortunately, same goes with friends these days. You do not need a friend to turn to you when he is in some serious trouble, gets his stuff sorted with your help and never returns the favor. When you lend him your shoulder so that he can brush off his tears but your tears bounce off from his fabric. When you go out of your way to praise them and they treat you as a burden on their social image. When they question your choices and want to be praised for their utopic achievements. When they silence your voice in their shrilling voices, you need to leave them. I repeat you leave them at once. They do not represent you rather they misrepresent you, they suffocate you and they clip off your wings.

Just leave them and take that picture of yours out of your phone and just Instagram it. Read out loud that poem, every verse of it, that they laughed on. Go makeup free if you’re a girl in the world full of plastics and be the good guy that you are in response to your ex-friends’ playboy labels. Do not get married on their rants and experiences that they never have had themselves. Do not let their pseudo depressive thoughts affect you because you already have a life to live and cannot multitask at one time. Stop seeing the damsels in distress and give a shut up call to the boys who cried wolves. You do not fit in their because you are not a puzzle piece.

We can live in isolation but we cannot live in suffocation. 36410890_1019548654869299_7132951234155118592_n

Is falling out of place can be falling into place?

We being humans, seek a safe haven over our heads. At least, that is how our Primary needs function. We grow up building castles, dollhouses, eventually big giant buildings. This concept of a safe haven stirs questions in my mind and makes me restless every now and then.

Every person harbors different meaning of safe haven in his head. It can be in the form of finding safe haven in a lover’s arms or an enormous amount of cash, in one’s life. It can be in the form of seeking affection from people or distancing yourself from THE PEOPLE!.

Then come the MISFITS, the restless kind!

Their thoughts never let them sleep. For them, safe havens are fictional, mythical! The misfits, the gypsies, and the nomads don’t rest. For them, the question is for HOW LONG a roof can be safe for them? What if the safe roofs and walls get barricaded by the most unexpected or irresilient circumstances? Where would we run to? Where would we run for?

Why are the Safe Havens, so unsafe for us in this transient world? Because the world is transient and our stay here cannot be prolonged.  The human mind is the cruelest thing, that could ever happen to the mankind. They aren’t shackled, they don’t understand the boundaries. In their wandering, in the chaos, they find peace. They find their safe havens.

Society calls them raptured. But the raptured just questions the euphoric, Is falling out of place can be falling into place? 

eulogy of a depressed mind!

The very title of my blog post is not something novel or incredible. Yet the novelty of my brain gets consumed by this thing each and every day. My mind has absorbed all the words written in fancy lettering and fonts that one can encounter in the bookstores or across the internet.

Yes, like any other person, I still look up to such quotes, sometimes for reassurance and sometimes for seeking empathy. I wander in search of at least one comforting line, one line that is able to speak my mind, that can substantiate the title to my crippling anxiety.

My mind! (chuckles) is like an uncontrolled storyline, where I am the protagonist, I am the storyteller, yet I feed myself lies every instance, so alike to an antihero’s vanity! Not to mention, I am the biggest antagonist of my story too.

My dilemma is everything and yet it is nothing. It is like a bubble, that flies in the air, vibrantly and becomes lifeless, the very next moment. I do not consider people responsible for my devastated state of mind. But, I did not, shop this depression all by myself too!

Apparently, I am enjoying the bounties of life, most of the people fancy.  I am not a thankless brat at the disposal of my family’s income. I prepare myself, every day to instigate this race of life, where every lap gives vent to relentless laps. I take every step towards the uncertain future, just to shut my mind who keeps on reminding me that if I failed, I will be left alone on the streets with empty pockets. My crisis is existential, it is spiritual!

Why I am so weak and act strong, against the passions of my primary need. A need that is suffocating me day by day. Making me a lecherous sinner, who sins just because life has failed to provide him! What am I? Who am I ? Where do I belong? Am I just a self-controlled compulsive liar? Where do I tread? Where will I perish?

I am done hiding and running! but what tactics, I know precisely of, other than hiding and running?  emotional-paintings-agnes-ceciles-world-of-watercolor-art-installations-mayhem-muse-picture

Open Up

I am still thinking, what to write about and most importantly, HOW? The journey from NUML to Air University was indeed, a grilling one. Making acquaintances and befriend new people is something, I always suck at.

Running and jumping around the corridors of Iqbal Block (NUML) is something I will never be able to forget. That place made me feel the true essence of Literature and Friendship. Healing the broken ones and getting healed by them, in return. From critical writing to analyzing the complex literary passages, I did enthusiastically. And then, life happened, I graduated and left that place with irrevocable memories.

Life gave me the endless series of reality checks, some adult stuff to deal with, joblessness and a broken heart. Above all, anxiety and depression. But I made situations worse in my head, for myself. Thinking that life knocked me down brutally when in reality, I was weighing myself down. I had to go through situations, I could have never even imagined. I doubted myself and my abilities relentlessly. The worst part was that my parents had to deal with the embarrassment I caused them without even realizing. From breaking cutlery to shredding my paintings in pieces, I did all.  Indecisiveness was my only reason for behaving like a completely opposite version of myself. I wanted everything but I was too good to view a non-hazy picture of life.

Then a miracle happened, (chuckles), I had to go through a breakup, the turning point of my life. That transformed me thoroughly. I started owning myself for myself, started putting myself in awkward positions, above all, I laughed at myself and shed my doubts. After bursting the self-made bubble,  I started earning, though it was a meager amount but worth it. I stopped caring about looking feminine. ( Major reason for getting rejected, umpteenth times, still not trying :D).

Life went through massive twists and turns when I got myself admitted in MS English program at Air University. I had to make friends and put my trust in their plans that turned in tribulations. I got treated as a commodity until I had to prioritize myself again!

I was fortunate enough, I found soul sisters in form of friends. They never questioned my love for books and art like many discarded people. ( could not be more polite).

But, this time, the Rishta rants and me, running out of suitable bachelors, got me into real trouble. For the first time in my life, I trusted my mother with my secrets. this time their nature was different, it was not about getting new toys but the so-called Rishtas. She proved a great help and motivator, as always.

For an introvert like me, the University events and managerial stuff sounded like hell. But I did them, in fact, I did great in managing those events.

Soon, I will have to submit my final thesis and life will happen, as it does. But this time, I am prepared for life. The key is acceptance, not resilience! Life does get better but it makes you better, first! We have to hug the thorns, in order to get ourselves to the thrones. Life has got funny ways of transforming us into something, we can not even fantasize.

When Life happens, nothing else happens… ( had to end with this not so deep line).