Feminity ? 

I don’t have to prove my feminity to everyone, especially to the people who treated me like shit.

I am just a gender devoided person inside a woman’s body. I like wearing makeup sometimes, sometimes Kohl rimmed eyes look so ravishing to me. I am not a part of the judgment and banning brigade.

I never asked a guy to prove his masculinity and I won’t, ever. It’s not his job to safeguard me or treat me like a feline creature. For me, all the men I had had once loved, were also like spirits inside a Male’s body. I’d rather be a humanist than being a feminist.

I am just trying to save my inner self for me. I don’t want them to drag the veil of my soul on thorny bushes.

I am wild, I am a non-conformist and a narcissist. I can’t conceal my innermost self anymore for their comfort.

My Failings

You can’t be successful without being suffered.

I would frown at every accomplished person while listening to their success stories. I would say ” what do they know about my suffering ? ” and ” oh, the same phrases, which leads nowhere.” Now, when I glance back at my life, a year before as it was and now when I reflect upon my that situation, all the phrases and the success stories have beginning to make sense to me. 

For a person can’t be successful without being suffered, like a bird, who can’t fly without the fear of falling on the ground. Like a baby, whose first step follows a series of countless trippings until he learns to walk steady. I had been so comfortable in my own comfort zone that I forgot about the heavenly and the earthly tests. I always gave an air that no bad circumstances could ever hit me. I was wrong, then after graduation, the job hunting made me realize that comfort zone is a fancy. Life doesn’t offer you bed of roses always, thorns also exist. I gave endless interviews and demonstrations but there was something that had to be done first. That very thing was to give me a reality check, that its about time to mend my habits and my carefully nurtured views. I didn’t like the reality check, not a bit of it at first. Watching the underdogs settling in their lives was a dreadful sight for me. 23 and still dependent on parents, was like an insult to me. What was even more painful than their not taunting you and still supporting you. I missed many opportunities and the ones I caught was never meant for me. My anxiety was engulfing me and my mind was in a state of constant war. I yelled , I cried and what not. 

Then Almighty bestowed me with some creative gifts, I couldn’t have ever thought of. Yes, I started sketching and writing. I was a student who used to loathe drawing and was a least scorer in that subject. Writing, I was always fond of but the intensity and the depth of words, gushing out of my chest and running on the paper was something mysterious to me. Though, I am still amateur and terrible at both the things but I know they bring me solace everytime. I am still jobless and dependent on my parents but I have learned one thing, “how to encounter your worst fear, fear of failure”. Now I know life outside of my so called comfort zone and how am I gonna pave my way to success, I once imagined. I honor my lows and I am indebted, a great deal to my sufferings and failures. 

Life is a funny thing, it has many tests thrown in your way and countless experiences that don’t come handy. 

For there is no success without suffering

and no life without lessons.