Feminity ? 

I don’t have to prove my feminity to everyone, especially to the people who treated me like shit.

I am just a gender devoided person inside a woman’s body. I like wearing makeup sometimes, sometimes Kohl rimmed eyes look so ravishing to me. I am not a part of the judgment and banning brigade.

I never asked a guy to prove his masculinity and I won’t, ever. It’s not his job to safeguard me or treat me like a feline creature. For me, all the men I had had once loved, were also like spirits inside a Male’s body. I’d rather be a humanist than being a feminist.

I am just trying to save my inner self for me. I don’t want them to drag the veil of my soul on thorny bushes.

I am wild, I am a non-conformist and a narcissist. I can’t conceal my innermost self anymore for their comfort.

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Love, we don’t feel.

Little Aarib, made a birthday card for me, with his own little hands. He was more excited than me for my birthday.

 

Was I happy with his little gesture of love? Being honest, I was overwhelmed for few seconds but after that sadness took over me because I was still waiting for a birthday wish from my ex. The guy who left me, when I was failing in my life. The guy for whom I did everything, even broke my principles and put my reputation at stake.

My family organized a surprise birthday party for me. I was pretentiously glee at that moment but still obsessing over how I had been dumped by my ex.

My Best friend wished me on my birthday, her words left me in tears, those words were pregnant with care and unconditional love. The friend, who never left me and boosted my morale at every step of my life. But, I was again shedding tears for him and his deprivation of me and myself.

Happy birthday beautiful ❤❤
You’re the best and you’ve a heart of gold, if people don’t understand that, it’s their problem not yours because my baby is flawless and you need let go of past because best things are waiting 🙂

I love you ❤❤

 

My bibliophile friend, Safa was overjoyed on my birthday. She walked me down the memory lane by sharing the letter that I wrote to her when I was 10 years old. That moment was the defining moment of my life, that changed my thoughts entirely. I buried that faithless and liar guy in the grave, smoothed by his own lies. I was a fool to cry over his memories and words.

19989768_851939424969791_9046073013735950948_n They say when a man makes you laugh while you’re crying, is the man you should always keep in your life. For me, that man is my father, who has raised me like a son and he still believes in me. My mother, who always assures me that I can achieve everything in my life. My best friend, who tells me that I am beautiful and loyal. My bibliophile friend, who shows me, her fresh drafts and book reviews exclusively. And how we discuss books without gazing at the clock.

My college and university life friends, (my lifelines actually) still count on me, they read my poems and love my sketches. I love them all and I am grateful for all the positivity and affection, that they sprinkle on me every day.

I want these people in my life. Not the ones, who tried to cut my wings and burn me. I am killing the fantasies of a boy’s cozy arms and his laughs. I am going to love my people and my love will thrive for them in every passing second.

I know my ex is still posting his pictures all over the social media with captions like “perfectionist” and “found peace”. I won’t brag here by calling myself a perfect girlfriend material but yes, I care for those, whom I let to stay in my heart. I have Orthodox views and I just can not stand the concept of modern fetish love.  I love myself with all my imperfections and for those, who try to target my self-esteem, I wish them a safe aboard.

Now I am finally getting myself to know that life is beautiful with all its ups and downs.Man can not live in a picture forever. We have to break over and over again so that we can know how beautifully our shattered pieces can gleam.

There is so much love around us but only if we can sense that love or stop begging for a selfish person’s love.One can not be positive and strong all the time but one also can not act fragile forever. Even a prisoner yearns for the sun in a dark dungeon.

 

Walking away to walk anew

I am tearing apart,

I won’t lie,

you pushed me from 

the brink of a mighty mountain.

My bruises are turning into

sour wounds.

My soul is wrecked,

and mind still wants you back.

But, Heart detests you,

the heart that once loved you.

Of all my achings and sorrows,

I am burying your memories.

Let the justice restore itself.

Let God save me from my demoms

and for you! my prayers are not 

prayers anymore.

They are curses now.

I want to be selfish for some time,

till I learn to value my wretched self. 

My verses are weak and discordant.

Till then you laugh, 

because you’ll shriek in agony

one day soon. 

I am easing out my shoulders

from the baggage, that’s

not mine to carry.