Open Up

I am still thinking, what to write about and most importantly, HOW? The journey from NUML to Air University was indeed, a grilling one. Making acquaintances and befriend new people is something, I always suck at.

Running and jumping around the corridors of Iqbal Block (NUML) is something I will never be able to forget. That place made me feel the true essence of Literature and Friendship. Healing the broken ones and getting healed by them, in return. From critical writing to analyzing the complex literary passages, I did enthusiastically. And then, life happened, I graduated and left that place with irrevocable memories.

Life gave me the endless series of reality checks, some adult stuff to deal with, joblessness and a broken heart. Above all, anxiety and depression. But I made situations worse in my head, for myself. Thinking that life knocked me down brutally when in reality, I was weighing myself down. I had to go through situations, I could have never even imagined. I doubted myself and my abilities relentlessly. The worst part was that my parents had to deal with the embarrassment I caused them without even realizing. From breaking cutlery to shredding my paintings in pieces, I did all.  Indecisiveness was my only reason for behaving like a completely opposite version of myself. I wanted everything but I was too good to view a non-hazy picture of life.

Then a miracle happened, (chuckles), I had to go through a breakup, the turning point of my life. That transformed me thoroughly. I started owning myself for myself, started putting myself in awkward positions, above all, I laughed at myself and shed my doubts. After bursting the self-made bubble,  I started earning, though it was a meager amount but worth it. I stopped caring about looking feminine. ( Major reason for getting rejected, umpteenth times, still not trying :D).

Life went through massive twists and turns when I got myself admitted in MS English program at Air University. I had to make friends and put my trust in their plans that turned in tribulations. I got treated as a commodity until I had to prioritize myself again!

I was fortunate enough, I found soul sisters in form of friends. They never questioned my love for books and art like many discarded people. ( could not be more polite).

But, this time, the Rishta rants and me, running out of suitable bachelors, got me into real trouble. For the first time in my life, I trusted my mother with my secrets. this time their nature was different, it was not about getting new toys but the so-called Rishtas. She proved a great help and motivator, as always.

For an introvert like me, the University events and managerial stuff sounded like hell. But I did them, in fact, I did great in managing those events.

Soon, I will have to submit my final thesis and life will happen, as it does. But this time, I am prepared for life. The key is acceptance, not resilience! Life does get better but it makes you better, first! We have to hug the thorns, in order to get ourselves to the thrones. Life has got funny ways of transforming us into something, we can not even fantasize.

When Life happens, nothing else happens… ( had to end with this not so deep line).

Advertisements

For I was ready

For I was ready to walk in the cheap hotels with you.

I was ready to be gazed at, by the society, for you.

I was ready, to be judged, by them, for you.

For I was ready to cling to you in your hardest times.

I killed my fantasies and broke the perfect image of everything.

I put my doubts to sleep, an eternal sleep.

For I was ready to love you with all my might.

I was ready to betray them, who never betrayed me.

I was ready to make an acquaintance with your demons’ vices.

But there were things you weren’t ready for.

You were empirical with the world, solely.

And Solicitude was my utmost abode.

You were good with words and rituals,

that fed your purposes accordingly.

You had your pockets heavy with solutions.

One of those solutions was, sweeping me off,

from your life.

For I had burdened you, with MY hopes of US.

You left, leaving me with the burden of You.

Mirthful, I am, that you left.

Because every stone pillar, can not warrant sanctuary.

 

I’ll Always be a 90’s Kid

For I’ll always be a 90’s kid
I’ll jump on every crossing sign,
I’ll twist my finger in the cassette hole,
I’ll always love the typewriters
and the polaroids.
I’ll always love the frilled frocks
and the moist bibs.
For I’ll always be a 90’s kid.
The sight of enormous dictionaries
will always enlighten me.
For I am still a 90’s kid,
I am everywhere out there,
in the jigsaws and in the seesaws,
in the swings and in the rings.
In old frames and elders
remembering our silly shapes.
In storybooks and in the reading nooks.
For I’ll always be a 90’s kid
© Writing Aspirations