Abusive Relationships

“Love”, the most misused word of this world, has lost its originality and numinous. People tatter your soul and tear apart your flesh in the name of love since they never feel it, they just fabricate it.

Every time, a boy hated my round face and wavy hair, they made me question my Maker that why didn’t he mould my frame like the rest of the girls, tall, slender and having angular faces.

Every time a boy mocked at my makeup-less face, I browsed through the entire youtube to see the never ending tutorials, to look presentable for them.

But my efforts didn’t make them stay because they would go for lodgings and not a permanent residence. It took me many years of my life to finally accept myself. They wanted submission and had cheap lenses to that showed only one view, the view of their own choices. Who lusted after bodies and were afraid seeking the soul.

Boys also go through this torture, when a girl wants him to join a gym, because his chubby physique brings dishonor and social instability to them. Even a pet doesn’t differentiate between two persons and shows compassion towards a kind and caring person. Then why do humans practice such a heinous and horrendous act?

“Love” is a selfless act and should be done with heart and not the eyes. One can’t let go of the criticism done on his body as it creeps through his soul and he crawls back into his shell again, never to come out again.

Relationship abuse is one of the lethal abuses, being carried out relentlessly and brazenly every day. We need to purify our lives by letting go of such filth. (couldn’t find a more suitable word for them.)

Ashfaq Ahmed sums up the definition of love by quoting these beautiful words

“Mehboob woh hai jiska na theak bhi theak lagay”

P.S don’t listen to the abusers, they’re having some serious self-esteem issues and you cannot be the cure. If you let them belittle you, then, you too, are a part of their league.

On discarding the current self

This world is divided in the phenomenon of two. Both on the concrete and the abstract level. Both are the wont of one another, two equal forces, tell one another off. Sky for pouring rain and earth for the blanket of soil. Likewise, morals and immorals to live with. And, I am constantly torn between the phenomenon of two. I so want to shed the very oneself, I have been nurturing for many years. I want to embrace the second self, I want to live and cherish that desired self. My present self is holding me back for going on new ventures, it is choking my throat and twisting my muscles. I’ve had enough of this self.  I just can’t deal with the vices of my weak demons and hollow spirits. I so want to hear my inner voice, yelling, crying and cheering me to push myself beyond my limits. To turn every negative into affirmative, every fear into a new try. Every doubt into recognition. My current self is calling its wont, its other half, its opponent, indeed a mighty one and a staunch believer. With a warrior’s mind and an artist’s novelty. Like the drops of sweat being freshly wiped from a warrior’s forehead and the fine strokes of a paint brush. Freeing the spirits, letting them wander in a careful joy but not aimlessly. To challenge my lows and my gloom, to scare them. To rejuvenate me, to give me birth again and to construct the empire of my possibilities and becomings from the scratch,  by laying the foundations of self-realization and self-love.

I just want to forget about the reminders and the self-doubts. I want to laugh so hard that my eyes get teary, like they are now, due to the former reasons. I want to bury my this loathsome negative self so deep in the ground, in the oceans’ depth so it can’t come out to ask for a lodging in my body and soul. I am clinging between what do they want and how do I make them gay? In my heart, I just want to be a bloody narcissist so I can save myself from the impugned tongues’ attacks. I want to love me, think me, cherish me and above all live me! I can’t go on hating myself, yes I am a sinner and a wrongdoer. If Almighty can forgive me, why can’t I forgive me? Why do I inflict injuries upon my own self? To conceal the darkness prevailing in the chamber of my heart? No, self, deserves to be loved after Almighty.

I want to hug me, kiss me and look after me. After all, this self silently endured the cruelties I inflicted upon him. They hate me, they can. They laugh at me, they can. They bash me, they disown me and they discredit me, still, they can. As I have stopped entertaining them and start admiring my own self. Imperfect, bruised, ugly, fat and immoral , whatever you call it (or you can seek aid from the dictionary.) I ll raze your every comment with my steadfastness and my aloofness towards your opinions. I ll love myself, I ll love my imperfect self and I ll rejoice in my own company. Call me mad, freak or crazy but I have just realized what I should  have years ago.

I own me and I owe me a lot.